Today marks the end of the semester, officially! WHOOHOO. And I think I'm beat beyond recognition, literally and figurative. With the end to every chapter there is going to be drama, happiness, heartache, passion and pain... I mean sheesh, that's what makes for a good story. My life wasn't any exception.
I loved. I laughed. I lost.
My heart went through the most dramatic change; I learned to be more open to the people around me and their feelings. I've always been private and distant, for fear that one day my flaws would be on public display (ironic huh??) but I met people that proved me wrong. I met someone who appreciated my flaws and loved me regardless; my best friend.
My mind had a growth spurt too! Because I grew emotionally, I needed to grown intellectually. I trusted and allowed myself to be trusted. I made mistakes but the key to my growth was, admitting my mistakes and learning from them. I purged myself of all the negative people I had in my life; the people who called themselves "friends". I kept a select group close to my heart but one person in particular... Man, (thinks about it) this person could finish my sentences without me even taking a breath. He could read my thoughts as if they were registering in his brain. He could sense my every emotion and act accordingly. He never offered me a lot but what I got, was more than enough. Even though shit aint always rainbows and butterflies with us, he has a hold on my heart. Oh and did I mention, he makes the best bowl of Chicken Noodle Soup ever; my (ex) pseudo.
With all this growth, something had to come up short! Yeah. Finally, after years of wondering and speculating... I did it. I cut
my hair. I remember the first time Matty saw it, he said I looked like a boy! I cut my hair for various reasons. I just wanted something new. I wanted to leave all the bad things, that had been attached to the ends of my hair, in the past. I wanted a fresh start; a 'do over'. I didn't want to be someone else, I wanted to be me. A more independent me. A mature me. A wise me. Despite what Matty said, I like it... it has grown on me.
I also made some pretty grown up leaps and bounds. Me and Doodle moved out of the dorms and got us a nice little spot in the middle of Fishtown. Yeah, it's nice and all. Marble floors in the kitchen and toothpaste blue walls in the bedrooms - but it came with grown women responsibilities. BILLS. Luckily for us, we lucked out and didn't have to pay PECO for 5 months and Comcast ain't no biggie... I mean, we gotta have our cable and internet (the phone is wack). But we made ourselves a nice little home and I'm proud that we stepped out and did it on our own, even tho we messed up along the way and moms and pops had to come bail us out (not of jail) but we did it.
Lastly,
my hopes for this summer and my next go round at Temple. There are so many things that I would do differently but more things that I would do the same. I love the people that I keep around me and that will never change (unless Doodle steals money from me or something, even though I owe her!).
My relationships with the opposite sex will def see a major change, well they've already seen a major change. I'm going to try to love with an open heart and a closed mind (don't worry, I'll kick that knowledge to you at a later date). I'm going to smile even if there is nothing to smile about. I'm going to laugh when ever I feel like laughing. And I'm going to tell everyone just how I'm feeling, at the exact moment that I'm feeling it. I'm def going to go at my studies a little harder because clearly I've been doing just enough to get by, which is NOT my best by a long shot. I'm going to do some more soul searching and do some more growing and hopefully by this time next year, you'll be hearing me sing a different tune. Oh and fresh2defsheis.com may have a little growing to do too....
Appreciation is given to those who have influenced my life; good or bad.
And I'm out!
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